Free read Ø Captain Cap 100

characters Captain Cap

Free read Ø Captain Cap 100 ñ A mammoth madcap trade paperback edition the complete and unabridged translation of the original 1902 French classic by Alphonse Allais 370 pages including eight uncollected Captain Cap stories plus a Cappendix of rare historical pictures The book is illustrated throughout with witty drawings by Doug Skinner in addition to A mammoth madcap trade paperback edition the complete and unabridged translation of the original 1902 French classic by Alphonse Allais 370 pages inc. This book is sheer fun To share just how much fun here is a 'further adventure' where I recount my meeting the captain in our brave new 21st century worldTHE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN CAPChapter 1 Wonder of wonders miracle of miraclesCaptain Cap is back I can't believe my eyes but there he is in the glowing flesh right before my very 20 20 vision looking as debonair as ever with his top hat and cane his impeccable brown three piece suit wide diamond studded tie and shinning silver pocket watch Oh reader I must contain my excitement Yes ladies and gentlemen he graced our world in those years when the nineteenth century flowered and blossomed into the twentieth century mostly in Paris and reported by that outstanding fin de siècle poetartiste Mr Alphonse Allais and here he stands gallantly twirling his cane as alive and vital as everOh Captain you are backYes my dear Glenn I am back And I suppose you are wonder why I have returned why my presence is needed in today's worldOf course I wonder Please telluite simply I can see there is much too much nastiness meanspiritedness coarseness and crudeness in the world todayVery true my dear CapYes my dear Glenn and what the world needs is a man who will take his place as a champion of the aesthetic and the refined; a man who will be anti nasty ant mean spirited anti coarse and anti crude; a man who will take action against those nasty mean spirited coarse and crude persons and thingsAnd you are that man CaptainIndeed I am that manAnd I suppose you know where you are going to start CaptainBut of course And that is where I need your help You must write letters on my behalf to all the appropriate officials in Washington and let them know I will be taking over as Minister of Aesthetics and RefinementMy pleasureMeanwhile please show to the closest watering hole With all this time travel and re appearing I could use a good glass of ginChapter 2 How Captain Cap became the Minister of Aesthetics and RefinementAnd dear reader I did just that I wrote to all the appropriate officials in Washington amply outlining Captain Cap's remarkable accomplishments back when he was paling around with Alphonse Allais I also wrote about how the Captain prepared for his assuming such an illustrious public office by refining his aesthetic sensibilities in a number of waysHe committing to memory James's The Tragic Muse Nabokov's Pale Fire Tartt's The GoldfinchHe duplicated in his mind's eye all of the impressionism of Claude Monet the abstractions of Piet Mondrian and op of Victor VasarelyHe walked up Broadway NYC from Canal Street to East 85th Street tipping his hat to every woman he passed He then walked back down to 42nd Street and performed as Benedict in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing amazing his appreciative audience and also performed hat tricks between acts further amazing his appreciate audienceLastly Captain Cap designed his own one of a kind one man rocket ship and flew to Mars and backPredictable I did not receive one letter in return from any of those high Washington officials objecting to Captain Cap taking on such a necessary positionWhen I informed the Captain about my political success on his behalf he celebrated with a lemon suash and a gin sling and then set off at once to start his missionChapter 3 How Captain Cap refined TexasOur first stop is in the heart of Texas at a good old boy saloon With his top hat and cane his swagger and his calling to the bartender for a lemon suash Cap cut uite a scene I can assure youHey partner that's uite a hat you've got there This from one of the longhorn patronsCap replied Why thanks TexThe bowlegged patron replied My name ain't Tex And then went on to say Around here we don't care much for being stereotyped by foreignersWhat is your name I askedThe name's SlimHave a lemon suash on me Slim And a beer to go with it if you like Cap snappedSlim liked that very much He ordered his beer and sat down at our tableSo what brings you into town Slim askedCap went on to tell him how in his capacity as Minister of Aesthetics and Refinement he will be taking steps to enhance the aesthetics sensibilities of Texans and how since Texas is such a big state his first step will be to make modifications to all the football games played in the state of TexasSlim sat back on his chair took a big swig of beer and asked How you gonna do thatIt is obvious my good chap Cap told him We will have the referees make all their announcements over the public address system in FrenchSlim's eyes widened to about the size of the a Texas beef He was about to say something else but Cap was too fast The next thing he knew he was sitting with Cap and myself in a luxury suit designed with Louis IV furnishings on the fifty yard line at a Cowboy gameWe waited as the referee trotted out to the middle of the field turned on his microphone and made his announcement Procédure illégale And several minutes later Premier et dix And so it went with all announcementsSlim leaned forward in his plush Louis IV chair He went to say something but the words got stuck somewhere south of his tongueBy the end of the game we heard every fan in the entire stadium cheering Viva la Cowboys Viva la CowboysCaptain Cap raised his index finger and told me how this is only the start By next week the Texas will be sprinkling French in their conversation and listening to Mozart instead of country musicI was about to congratulate the Captain but by the time I turned to him he was gone bounding down the steps to the field setting up an evening rendezvous with several of the Cowboy cheerleadersChapter 4 How Captain Cap brought ecstasy to Iowa highwaysHere I am seated next to the Captain at the wheel as we tool down the highway 20 miles east of Des Moines Iowa in his 1938 Peugeot 402 Darl'mat Legere `Special Sport' Roadster a flaming yellow convertible top down The wind is in our hair and we have are having a hard time conversing with all the oversized 14 wheelers on the roadWhat was that you said CaptainAs Minister of Aesthetics and Refinement the first change I see that is needed her in Iowa is to deal with all this damn noise from all these damn trucksMay I ask how you are going to go about doing thatIt is uite obvious Glenn All trucks will have be euipped with their very own Cap o fier which will not only muffle the noise but transform all truck sounds to ravishing celestial music specifically the music from Scriabin's Poem of EcstasyGood show CaptainAnd not only that the next step that must be taken will transform all these highways into examples of aesthetic refinementThe good Captain went on to explain how each highway will be painted in different pastel colors with the locals given a choice of colors For after all Cap explained this is a free country And when asked about the available colors Cap reeled off an entire list blueberry bluebonnet blush boysenberry lavender and lilacThree days later on leaving Des Moines in Cap's roadster we purred along on a most picturesue lavender before turning off on an appealing blush listening to the Poem of Ecstasy in stereo An aesthetic experience if there ever was oneAnd before the day is done my dear Glenn we will have an ample sampling of all the pastels Meanwhile sit back and enjoy the concertAh Scriabin Just the music for IowaIn both color and in sound the state of Iowa deserves to be enraptured by ecstasy on the highwaysChapter 5 How Captain Cap rode the Metroliner train and what happened to MarylandAfter some time sitting in a car where the people around us were yacking a mile a minute on their cell phones and to others on the train I told the Cap about the uite caruite car Cap uipped Now that is what I call civilized Let's goSeveral minutes later we took our seats in the uite car Cap observed the sign that read how there was to be no cell phone usage or talking other than in a whisperThe Captain sat back obviously relieved from being free from all that blasted chattering and natteringAh the uite car he whispered Give me a minute and I will reflect on how this business of uiet can expand a bit Whilst I am cogitating my dear Glenn please do me the kindness of going to the café car and bringing me back a Brandy ShanterallaSeveral minutes later after handing Captain Cap his custom made beverage I gave the famous Alphonse Alliais recipe to the bartender who didn't miss a bet in preparing the captain took a sip reflected let out a breath gradually cleared his throat raised his index finger and proclaimed in a whisper the followingThis uiet Car is a splendid idea Very much in keeping with aesthetics and refinement It can be extendedExtended my dear CapYes my dear Glenn it can be extended to the entire state of Maryland That is where we are is it not; we are in MarylandYes Cap we are in MarylandThen by proclamation in my capacity of Minister of Aesthetics and Refinement I hereby declare Maryland to be the uiet StateCap and I returned to Maryland a week later driving down highway 95 in Cap's yellow roadster There were signs posted signs created in a most tasteful way I might add telling the citizens of Maryland there was to be no public cell phone usage and all conversations were to be held in whispersWe parked and walked up and down the streets of Balti No cell phone chatter and all citizens were talking in whispersCap this is amazing I whisperedTurns out my dear Glenn the people of Maryland wanted nothing than to live in a uiet state Of course there were several people who objected but they were asked to move to another state which they didCap you are truly amazing I saidRemember my dear Glenn to speak in a whisperMy pleasure I whisperedChapter 6 How Captain Cap went completely wildWhat kind of music is thatThe captain asked me this uestion after walking into a convenience store in the state in New JerseyThat is referred to as Muzak I saidCaptain Cap's eyes bulged and the flaps of his ear lobes miraculously curled up and closed off his ears With this Cap signaled me with his cane to follow him outside What happened next can only be termed a `Captain Cap whirlwind' The captain let me know in no uncertain terms that extreme measures must be taken to convert the American public to appreciate refinement and aesthetes In a twinkling of an eye Captain Cap sped off in his roadster and in another twinkling of an eye he was backAh Captain I said what have you been up toFour easy steps Glenn And here they are Step 1 All convenience stores in the entire country will play only the finest of music mostly Paganini and Vivaldi Step 2 All coffee shops will have their walls filled with the artwork of Mondrian Vasarely and Herbin Step 3 I have placed my magical Captain Cap capsules in the country's water supply and by so doing the entire population will be attuned to the most refined sounds and the most aesthetic colors and shapes and thus will become connoisseurs and appreciators of the music in the convenience stores and the artwork in the coffee shops Step 4 I have sprayed the air with Captain Cap sprayer which will sweeten the entire population in a way that there will be no meanspiritedness or coarseness or crudeness in any member of the population including future generationsNow that is uite something CapIt is something Glenn That so called Muzak drove me to these final four steps And so concludes my position of Minister of Aesthetics and Refinement and my returnYou are leaving usLeaving but I have something for you Glenn to remember my visit by a derby and cane Wear them and remember meAfter handing me a derby and cane Captain Cap hopped in his roaster and sped off down the highway and then the roadster sprouted wings and flew off into the wild blue yonderThus ends the Further Adventures of Captain Cap

Alphonse Allais ☆ 0 Summary

Luding eight uncollected Captain Cap stories plus a Cappendix of rare historical pictures The book is illustrated throughout with witty drawings by D. I'm not going to sit down and write a lengthy review today but I just wanted to take a moment to recommend this book wholeheartedlyIf you are partial to charming dipsomaniacs far flung ideas and impeccable language then this is the book for youNorwegian readers might try to imagine a French and somewhat older relative of Fredrik Stabel and Kjell Aukrust and you're halfway there just top that concoction with a generous helping of alcohol and you've got it

characters ✓ PDF, DOC, TXT or eBook ☆ Alphonse Allais

Captain CapOug Skinner in addition to his extensive notes on the translation and lively introduction Don't settle for imitations this is 100% pure absurdist hum. Locations are important to me and there is nothing like reading a book in my bathtub and this book Captain Cap His Adventures His ideas His Drinks by Alphonse Allais is the perfect text while deep in soap suds water up to the chin I know very little of Allais but it seems he was way ahead of his times with respect to music and art He wrote a musical composition in 1897 called Funeral March for the Obseuies of a Deaf Man which was nothing but silence Surely John Cage was influenced by him He also did a painting called First Communion of Anemic Young Girls In The Snow which was just a blank piece of paper So naturally I would be interested to read the adventures and thoughts of his good friend Captain Cap who not only knows his way around making cocktails detailed recipes throughout the book but also got into absurd adventures of all sorts While reading the book I was consistently reminded of the novelist and poet Blaise Cendrars as well as the American humorist and writer Robert Benchley Due that both authors capture an absurdity in life and have a care free attitude towards their subject matters Yet one gets the feeling that there is something uite fundamental is happening under the surface of the text There are lots of references to science especially with respect to engineering which also reminds me of Boris Vian as well and life during the late 19th century The translator did a remarkable job in translating the text which due to its word playing must be a very difficult thing to do His illustrations are charming as well Black Scat Books did a great service to literature by presenting this book And wherever or whatever Captain Cap goes an adventure of sorts is guaranteed